Caregiver Support When Someone You Love Has Cancer Living with cancer, either your own or that of someone you love, is often described as an "emotional roller coaster", with many ups and downs. Your loved one and you will have good days and bad days. Learning to live without the illusion of control that so many of us hold dear can be stressful and frightening. While the stress of cancer can be difficult for both of you and your loved one, it may also provide opportunities for both personal and relational growth. Your willingness to listen, to provide support, and to practice self-care will all set the stage. Listen The best kind of listening is the kind you do with your ears open and your mouth closed. While it is natural for many of us to want to "cheer up" or give advice to our loved ones, that is seldom what they want or need. Simply listening, without trying to fix or change our loved one's feelings, can be one of the most important gifts a caregiver can offer. Support This may take many forms -- from providing emotional support (start with listening) to offering practical, hands-on assistance. The best kind of support you can provide is the kind that your loved one needs -- so start by asking them. In addition to helping with medical and emotional issues, caregivers often help with many practical tasks. These might include providing transportation to treatment, helping with household chores, preparing meals, running errands, or pitching in with childcare. For more specific and creative ideas, take a look at "Ways to Help When a Loved One Has Cancer." Take Care of Yourself While it is natural for you to focus much of your energy on helping your loved one through this difficult time, it is vitally important that you maintain your own physical and emotional health. Getting enough rest, eating healthfully, and starting or maintaining an exercise routine will help you to keep well in body and to manage stress. The Center's Wellness for Life program and Integrative Medicine services are available for caregivers as well as patients. Maintaining your emotional health is also important. Caregivers often struggle with feelings of sadness, guilt, worry, and sometimes resentment about their loved one's illness. Finding support to cope with these feelings can ease the pain. The Center offers a weekly Family & Caregiver's Support Group that provides a safe and confidential place for caregivers to come together and share their concerns with others in like circumstances. Where can I learn more about how to help cope with my loved ones illness? There are many excellent books, videos, and workbooks designed to help people whose loved one has cancer. Many of these materials are available for loan through The Patrick Dempsey Center for Cancer Hope & Healing's Resource Library. You may also find it helpful to meet with a counselor, clergy member, or an oncology social worker to talk about your feelings about your loved one's illness.